Warriors go to the Zoo!
by Flame The Flanders
Summary: This is the tale of the wackiest field trip in Clan history! That's what happens when you let Firestar plan the trip! Rated T because all the Warriors fanfics are.
1. A Brilliant Idea?

_**ppWarriors Go to the Zoo!**_

**Hello people of the Warriors fandom! I'm Flamestripe35, and welcome to Warriors go to the zoo! My older sister and I had this idea a while ago, so now we will share it with you! This will be funny; don't worry! enjoy! :D :D :D**

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The moon was full, casting a soft silver glow on the gathering island. The cats of ThunderClan, RiverClan, ShadowClan milled around excitedly, hardly able to wait for the Gathering to start. The reason why they were so eager was because a new group of cats had arrived.

These cats called themselves SkyClan, and their leader, Leafstar had told them that StarClan had told them to come.

"For a special surprise." She added.

"Why?" asked Mistystar, Bramblestar and the other leaders nodding in agreement. Leafstar shrugged. "I don't know. Thanksgiving dinner?"

"Mmmm... dinner." Onestar licked his lips. Rabbits were short in WindClan lately.

"I see them! I see StarClan!" Littlecloud, the very elderly ShadowClan medicine cat pointed with a trembling paw while balancing on his cane, squinting through his glasses.

"Littlecloud," Willowshine mewed gently, resting her paw gently on the old cat's shoulder. "That's not StarClan. That's the apprentices taking selfies with their cPhones. The light makes them glow."

"Youngsters these days with their bloopy talking rocks and moving picture boxes!" Littlecloud grumbled, "When I was young, I-"

"Here they are!" Jayfeather interrupted quickly, having suffered through many of Purdy's infamous tall tales and not in the mood to listen to another.

The StarClan cats moved down from the sky, starlight glittering in their fur. They regally took their places at the Great Tree, kicking the five leaders off their branches to make more room.

The leaders tumbled off their branches, landing on the deputies and medicine cats sitting at the base of the tree with loud yowls and squashing them flat. Bramblestar wriggled out of the pile of dazed and disgruntled cats and glared up at the cats sitting in his spot.

"Did everyone in StarClan come this time?" He exclaimed.

An old, scraggly grey she-cat with large teeth stepped forward.

"Yup. Firestar didn't want anyone to miss out on his 'great idea'". she rolled her eyes, obviously not too keen on the mysterious surprise that was planned.

A flame colored tom spoke up. "It isn't a _great idea, _Yellowfang." He protested, pausing to flash a charming smile toward the crowd. "It's BRILLIANT!"

"Would anyone care to let the rest of us in on this _amazing_ adventure you have in store for us?" Blackstar hissed impatiently. Firestar had been in such a hurry to get to the Gathering and tell the clans, he hadn't bothered informing the rest of StarClan about his brilliant idea.

"As you wish." Firestar dipped his head, too excited to let the former ShadowClan leader's grouchy attitude cramp his style. "Cats of all clans!" He boomed, voice ringing out across the clearing.

" I, the talented, good looking, intelligent, courageous, happ-" "GET ON WITH IT!" The rest of the cats yowled, annoyed by Firestar's Gary-Stuishness.

"I Firestar," he ambled hastily, ducking to avoid a rock tossed at his head. "Have decided that the clans need more _excitement._"

"Yeah," Hollyleaf agreed. "If we have to spend the rest of eternity watching your miserable butts, it should at least get a little interesting!"

Firestar glared at his granddaughter, upset she took away his spotlight.

"As I was saying," he drawled. "We StarClan cats have come up with a way to make clan life a little more fun."

"We must have different definitions of the word 'fun'" Yellowfang grumbled.

Ignoring the grumpy medicine cat, Firestar continued speaking. "I have decided that all five clans, and StarClan, are going to take a trip!"

This caused murmurs of excitement to ripple through the clan cats.

"Where?" asked Rowanstar.

"We are going..." Firestar paused for dramatic effect, only to get shoved to the side by Bluestar who was tired of the blustery ginger tom's speech and wanted to get finished.

"We're going to the zoo." She finished.

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**Did you like it? Please review! We promise it WILL get funnier! So, until next time! **

**-Flamestripe35**


	2. What's a Zoo?

_**What's a Zoo?**_

**Okay, L and C here! (Yes, Flamestripe35 is two different people!) We are sooooooo so sorry about the spazzy page! We fixed it, and now here it is! Enjoy! :D**

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"We're going to the zoo!" Bluestar announced.

Confused murmurs and excited chatter came from the crowd.

"What's a zoo?" Sharpclaw called down from where the leaders, deputies, and medicine cats were still in a jumbled heap after the leaders fell on them.

Everyone turned to Firestar, who was lying on the ground in a dazed heap where he had landed after getting shoved out of the tree by Bluestar. Jayfeather walked over and prodded at the unconscious flame colored tom with his stick until Firestar blearily lifted his head.

"Whaaaa? Where was I? Oh, yes. We are going to the zoo! You're welcome!"

"IF SOMEONE DOESN'T TELL ME WHAT A ZOO IS RIGHT NOW, I'LL-I'LL-ooooohhh pretty muffins!"

This was Dawnpelt of ShadowClan, leaping to her feet and screeching loudly before a glassy look came over her eyes. She gave a sleepy smile, and collapsed on the ground, next to her brother Tigerheart, who was holding a dripping syringe.

"She didn't take her 'special pills' tonight, did you sis?" He explained, looking down at his sister.

"Sure thing, Tigerfart!" Dawnpelt drunkenly giggled, patting his face.

Tigerheart hissed as the cats around him snickered immaturely.

"Attention, everyone!" Firestar was back in the tree, still a bit dizzy from his fall, and Spottedleaf was propping him up.

"A zoo is a place run by twolegs, where animals live in mini-territories, and other twolegs come to stare at them for entertainment."

"So basically, instead of spending the day sitting on our butts and watching _our_ losers, we're sitting on our butts and watching other losers!" Yellowfang growled, trying to talk the clans out of the crazy idea.

"Yay!" A group of clan cats cheered.

"You idiots do realize I just called you losers, right?"

"Yay!" The cats cheered again.

"Now do you see what I have to deal with?" Jayfeather mewed in exasperation as Yelowfang facepawed, gesturing over to where Snowpaw, Dewpaw, and Amberpaw were chasing their tails, getting dizzy, throwing up, and starting the process all over again.

"So are you in?" Firestar asked eagerly. The clan leaders, who were at the moment arguing over which pie flavor was the best, looked up suddenly.

"Huh? Oh, you mean us." Rowanstar mewed. "Yeah, ShadowClan is in."

"SkyClan's coming too." Leafstar added.

Both Bramblestar and Onestar agreed, but Mistystar remained quiet with a scowl on her face.

"This _zoo_ you speak of seems to be devoid of fish." She hissed.

"Uh, there's a food court." Firestar said. "I think there's a fish and chips place. It's right next to the Dippin' Dots place."

"DIPPIN' DOTS!" The screech came from Mothwing, the RiverClan medicine cat. The former warrior leaped on her leader, pinning her down.

"WE MUST GO!" Mothwing snarled, drooling heavily, her eyes wide and crazy.

Mistystar shot a panicked look at Willowshine, who shrugged.

"She's obsessed with Dippin' Dots." The medicine cat apprentice said.

"Fine." Mistystar gasped, still strangled by Mothwing. "RiverClan will come. Can I get up now?"

Willowshine gently pried her mentor off the RiverClan leader, leading her carefully away from innocent kits and elders.

"Great!" Firestar purred. "Now, who wants to pay for the bus ride?"

Suddenly, an eerie fog enveloped the island. It was deep and black, covering the moon and sending the gathering into complete darkness.

"We didn't do that!" Tallstar yelped, the other StarClan cats murmuring in confused agreement.

Suddenly, a dark shape was visible creeping through the mist. It had the figure of a cat, and bright eyes that flashed in the darkness.

"Eek! Hold me, pretty kitty!" Firestar squealed like a kit, afraid of the shape. He tried to jump into Spottedleaf's arms, but ended up squashing the tiny tortoiseshell.

"Prepare to attack!" Bramblestar commanded. The five clans tensed, prepared to attack the shadowy figure. Suddenly the mist cleared a little, allowing the cats to get a view of the mysterious figure.

"Oh, hey y'all!" Purdy drawled. "Who knew it would be so hard to find the dirtplace? These dang cataracts; I can't see anything!" He rubbed at his eyes, squinting.

"Purdy!" Squirrelflight exclaimed, exasperated. "You scared us! We thought you were a Dark Forest cat!"

"No, we're over here." A deep and very familiar voice sounded behind the cats. Everyone spun around to see a large, shadowy dark brown tabby tom with long front claws and glittering amber eyes stalked out of the darkness, his followers trailing behind him.

"Ten words." Tigerstar growled. "We. Want. In."

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**Uh oh! Looks like the Dark Forest is crashing the party! Come on, you didn't think there could be a field trip without Tigey-Wigey, did you? So read, review, and suggest what animals you want which cat to visit? See ya later!**  
**-Flamestripe35 (L&amp;C)**


	3. We Want In

**_We want In_**

**Hellllooooooo ppl! Thank you sooooo much to whoever reviewed our humble story! Hope you enjoy reading it!**

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As the clan cats stared dumbfounded at the new, dark arrivals, Firestar got up from sitting on top of Spottedleaf, and stalked up to Tigerstar.

"_Firstly, _'We want in' is three words, not ten." He sniffed. Tigerstar hissed impatiently.

"This is the Dark Forest, not Warriors University! The only thing we count is the death toll!"

"Not knowing how to count is not good or moral." Firestar chided. Tigerstar, along with the rest of the cats, groaned.

"And secondly," Firestar continued, ignoring the dark tabby. "What exactly do you want in on, may I ask?"

"Your recipe for peach cobbler!" Tigerstar growled sarcastically. "What do you think? We want to come on the zoo trip with you guys."

Yowls of outrage emerged from the crowd, and Bluestar snapped, "Absolutely not!"

"Why would you want to go anywhere with cats you despise?" Yellowfang inquired suspiciously.

"I bet it's a trap!" a cat from the crowd called, meows of agreement following.

The Dark Forest souffléd their paws nervously, and Hawkfrost stammered, "Uhhhhh, to cause mayhem and destruction?"

The others quickly nodded their heads in agreement, but Mosskit stepped forward, narrowing her eyes.

"My potato doesn't believe you!" she hissed, pointing a massive spud at the Dark Forest warriors.

Hawkfrost opened his mouth to protest, but was interrupted.

"If you want to convince us, you have to convince the inanimate objects." Jayfeather warned. "Isn't that right, Stickykins?" he cooed, addressing his beloved stick.

Thistleclaw gave a hiss. "Fine! We want to come because we're bored! Dark Spa Day got canceled after _someone _got us kicked out last time we went!"

All evil eyes turned to glare at Brokenstar, who was awkwardly trying to whistle "Mary had a Little Lamb". He gave a guilty gulp.

"It's not my fault! I _swear _that guy was trying to smother me with vegetable paste!" he whined.

Darkstripe groaned in exasperation. "It's called a facial with avocado! Did you _have _to taser him?"

Brokenstar grumbled under his breath as Mapleshade spoke up.

"Anyway, now I have no way to get a relaxing foot rub! These puppies need work!"

She raised her leg to show her gnarled, fungi-infesed, horrifying feet to the clans.

Firestar fainted with an unmanly squeak and the queens shrieked, rushing to cover their kits' eyes. There were many sounds of barfing. Mapleshade chortled in amusement.

"Weaklings!" she muttered before Tigerstar spoke again.

"So now we have nothing to do tomorrow, and we're bored of sitting around poking each other with Twisty Straws. There are tons of new things we could poke at the zoo!"

Firestar shot up at the mention of poking. "But poking innocent zoo animals is not good or moral!" he protested.

Tigerstar snickered. "Who said we would poke the zoo animals?" he asked, using his tail to secretly poke Bramblestar (who had made the mistake of coming too close to his father) with a purple and green straw. Bramblestar yelped, scurrying to hide behind Squirrelflight.

"So, are you letting them come?" Leafstar asked the StarClan cats. SkyClan hadn't had any problems with the Dark Forest, but she wasn't feeling very good about them, basing on what she had seen.

Firestar frowned. "Well..."

"We'll pay for the bus!" Snowtuft blurted out. All the Dark Forest cats turned on him, hissing; obviously not wanting to pay. "I want to go to the petting zoo!" he complained.

"Deal!" Bluestar mewed quickly, before Firestar could object.

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"A dead fish!"

"A rock?"

"Justin Bieber?"

"A sleeping monster!"

The rental bus was taking a while to arrive, and the clans were passing the time by playing charades. It was ThunderClan's turn up, and Berrynose was in the center, lying with all four legs apart on his stomach and seething with embarrassment and anger.

So far, nobody had came close to what he was supposed to be, and he was silently cursing Ivypool, who had come up with the idea.

The silver and white tabby had sidled up to him, her blue eyes glittering mischievously, and she whispered in his ear, _Irritating butt rash. _He dreaded having to tell everyone that when they all gave up.

"The bus is here!" Echosong called from her post at the top of the tree.

Berrynose gave an exhale of relief. Now everyone would forget about the game and he would never have to say what he was. Just as he started to walk away, a cat called,

"Wait! What was Berrynose supposed to be?"

All eyes turned to the cream-colored tom, who looked around nervously.

"Well, Berrynose," Ivypool purred. "What were you?"

Berrynose shot her a scorching glare before spitting out, "I was a troublesome butt rash."

"You still are!" Lionblaze yowled, and all the clans, StarClan and Dark Forest included, howled with laughter.

Berrynose growled, slinking over to Poppyfrost, who tried to comfort him while biting her lip to hold in her own laughter.

"Okay, everyone! The bus isn't big enough for everyone to have their own seat, so we're going to have to squeeze together. Let's start boarding!" Yellowfang called.

"I call shotgun!" Firestar and Tigerstar both yelled, running for and reaching the bus at the same time. They both stopped short, and glared menacingly at each other.

Jayfeather shook his head, turning to tell Leafpool to make sure there was extra painkiller meds for extreme migraines. This was going to be a long trip.

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**Yesssss! after 3 chapters, they're finally getting to the zoo! What mayhem will happen there? Will Firestar and Tigerstar kill each other? Who will get poked with Twisty Straws? Find out next chapter! Okay, L and I both start school tomorrow, so we won't be updating daily like we have. It'll probably be around every three days, maybe more. R&amp;R please!****  
**

**-Flamestripe35 (C)**


	4. We're Finally Here!

_We're Finally Here!_

**Yessssss, people! L and C FINALLY updated! Sorry for the delay, we're just busy trying to get out of summer vacation mode. Hope you enjoy! We're hoping for at least 5 new reviews!**

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The old rickety bus careened around the corner, tires screeching. It plowed into the parking lot of the Big City Zoo, running over two ant-sized SmartCars, and swerving into the handicap parking spaces. They took up three of them, and nearly hit the fourth where an elderly cat with a walker was getting out.

Inside the bus, Jayfeather sat at the driver's seat, crossing his fingers.

"See, I told you I could get us there no problem."

_Please let us be there, please let us be there! _Jayfeather prayed.

He had been the last cat to get on the bus, and by that time, the only available seat was at the wheel. Someone would have switched with him, but the bus was so jam-packed with cats that no one could move.

After accidentally driving to McPawnolds, then the museum of Really Expensive Breakable Irreplacable Artifacts, a cattle ranch, a movie theater, and to Walla Walla Washington, USA, Jayfeather was sure that he would be tossed out the window by Flametail, who had been telling everyone that Jayfeather would drive them into a lake and drown them all, if he got lost again.

Leafstar looked up from leaning over the side of the window, where she had been up heaving her lunch the entire trip. Her stomach had not agreed with Jayfeather's driving skills, and she had been stuck sitting next to Goosefeather, who had ordered a triple-bean Godzilla burrito with extra prunes from McPawnolds.

She gave a sigh of relief when she saw the zoo entrance.

"We survived!" She shrieked in relief to the rest of the cats.

Yellowfang opened her eyes after she had had them squeezed shut in fright the whole time. She slightly released her death grip on the unfortunate cat next to her, Crowfeather, who spluttered and gulped air.

"We're actually there?" She demanded.

"Yup." Leafstar replied.

"FRRRREEEEEEDDDDDDOOOOOOMMMMM!" Yellowfang screeched, using Crowfeather as a springboard to jump over the rest of the cats. She smashed through the unopened bus door, and began rolling on the concrete, cackling maniacally.

"No more boring breakup problem stories!" She hooted, glaring at Crowfeather. "No more awful, AWFUL singing! I'm freeeeeeeee!"

"What's so bad about our singing?" Stormcloud asked with a hurt expression on his face.

All the former kittypets (Stormcloud, Firestar, Daisy, Cloudtail, Pinestar, Echosong, Cherrytail, Sparrowpelt, and all of SkyClan's daylight warriors) had been singing "5,000 dishes of cream on the wall" very loudly and very much off key the entire ride there.

Everyone else on the bus glared at the kittypets, followed by a chorus of complaints and a barrage of beef jerky.

"GOTTA PEE! GOTTA PEE GOTTA PEEEEE!"

The shriek cam from a tortoiseshell blur that was streaking for Yellowfang's hole in the door. Tawnypelt scurried across the heads of the various cats, catching some in the nose or the eye with a stray claw. She bolted through the hole and shot across the parking lot. Rowanstar dashed after his mate, protesting.

"Tawnypelt! Tawnypelt, wait! YOU HAVE MY WALLET!"

Firestar squeezed to the front of the bus.

"Now everyone," he began in that way of his that told everyone they were in for a very long, very Gary-Stuish speech.

"We are going to be in a big, strange space for an entire day, so we need to set down some rul-"

"Last one inside the zoo gets poked with Twisty Straws!" Tigerstar shouted.

"NOT TWISTY STRAWS!" Bramblestar screeched in fright. Everyone stampeded out the door, trampling Firestar in their wake. The now very beaten up ginger tom dizzily staggered to his feet.

"Remember the buddy system!" he called after the crowd.

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By the time Firestar got to the ticket line, the sound of shrieking was in his ears.

"Oh no," he muttered, pushing his way to the front.

Millie was at the front of the line, holding on to Briarlight's wheelchair, and shouting at the ticket guy.

"What do you mean there's no disabled person discount!? My baby needs to see all the safe, non-dangerous animals at this place, and I will not move until she gets special treatment!"

The ticket guy blew a whistle, and two rugged security guys came and picked up Millie, and began dragging the psychopathic ex-kittypet away.

"No!" Millie squawked indignantly. "You can't take me! Someone needs to take care of my only child! Take Blossomfall instead, she doesn't deserve to live!"

Briarlight watched as her mother was hauled off, then turned to the ticket guy, handing him a wad of cash.

"I'll pay extra if you want." She sighed. The ticket guy shook his head.

"No way. Anyone who has to deal with that monster shouldn't have to pay."

Briarlight opened her mouth to protest, but Blossomfall quickly came up and pushed her sister through the entrance.

"Thank you." The tortie and white she-cat purred pleasantly to the ticket guy.

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While the Millie incident was taking place, another line had opened up. The ticket cat was a very familiar tom.

"Hmmm," he frowned, judging the clan cats that came through.

"I thought you were weird, you have to pay $50. You were nice to me, you pay $5, you smell like tofu, pay me $35. And you, pretty lady," he purred to the gray-furred, rainbow eyed she-cat standing in front of him. "You're too smokin' hot to pay. You can go right ahead."

Dovewing giggled, batting her gorgeous rainbow eyes flirtatiously at the ticket cat, and the second biggest Mary-Sue in clan history flounced through the entrance.

When Blackstar approached the booth, his eyes widened at seeing who was inside.

"_You!_" the former ShadowClan leader snarled. "Sol, what in the name of StarClan are you doing here?"

The evil rogue sneered through the ticket window.

"You know what I think of your precious 'StarClan', bub, and I could hack a bigger hair ball than how much I care about it. I'm here because I'm kinda broke after breaking out of- ahem,_getting bailed out of _prison, and I need a job. Now, if you want to set one pawstep inside of that zoo, you gotta pay me a million bucks, no less."

Blackstar hissed in fury. "You little wretch! Just wait until I get at you!"

As Blackstar crouched, preparing to hurl himself at the tortoiseshell tomcat, a paw poked him in the shoulder.

"Let me handle this." Hollyleaf mewed cooly. She stepped up to the booth. "Hello, Sol. Remember me?"

Sol's amber eyes widened in hatred.

"Are you serious? Ha! I wouldn't let you in if my life depended on it!"

Sol made the mistake of getting out of the booth to go over and laugh in Hollyleaf's face.

Hollyleaf's green eyes narrowed.

"Very well," she sighed "I was hoping to do this the easy way."

In a flash, the black she-cat whipped out a neon pink Tesla, and blasted Sol in the chest. The tortoiseshell tom went down with a squeal.

"DIE, CODE CRUSHER!" Hollyleaf shrieked, leaping onto Sol. "UNBELIEVING SCUM! ADMIT THE WARRIOR CODE SURPASSES ALL! YOU ARE NOT WORTHY!"

Hearing the ruckus, Firestar, along with a bunch of guards, came running, hurling themselves into the fray and tried to separate the infuriated black she-cat from the now unconscious Sol. The rest of the clan cats took the opportunity to sneak into the zoo without paying.

Mapleshade gave a weird look at the fight when she passed the ruckus.

"Wow, some people have serious anger management issues." She muttered to Thistleclaw, who looked at her in disbelief. Mapleshade took a swig of her travel coffee mug (which had tea in it of course.). Mapleshade choked, and looked at Thistleclaw with narrowed eyes.

"Is this Lipton?" She asked in a dangerous voice.

"DIEEEEEEEE!" Hollyleaf screeched.

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**So, did you like it? We hope it was funny! Who do you want to see what animal? Until next time!**

**-Flamestripe35 (L&amp;C)**


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